Life is quite weird, I followed my Mum and Dad interest for me which was 'Child care.' Can you imagine me being goofy in front of children and adults? Yeah, me neither. I mean children did enjoy my company though I couldn't direct the children and cannot raise my voice. I am a very quiet, reflective person. So it might took me a while to try something and tell myself and eventually put my hand and say 'child care is not for me.'
As my apprenticeship is funded by Newcastle College, I went into college met my tutor and spoke to a career advisor who knows about different courses the college offers. He asked a very simple question, 'What would you like to do?' Well for that question might be a simple question to you for me on the other hand, this question have endless amount of answers.
Looks a bit like a love heart
For me my answer is, 'I like to take photos.' For this post I want to tell you a little more about that.
Avocado and chocolate cake
For as long as I can remember I have always enjoyed taking photos whether it's of my recent concoction in the kitchen (like that avocado and chocolate cake I made) friends or even the world around me. It doesn't really matter if I see a moment worth capturing I am gonna capture it. Now by no means do I think I am best photographer. I know that and I don't let it stop me I mean by choice I exclusively use my phone camera to take my photos because I love the convenience and simplicity of it. I feel like my eyes I have see, the world just a little bit differently than most people and my phone helps me capture those distinctions. Look closely there is beauty all around us high up in sky or low down in grass near around the corner far out into the distance there's beauty around and each subject has different angles to appreciate.
Don't fear an idea, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I go extreme heights just to take a photo, I have stood on one to many restaurant chairs and lie down on one too many city streets just because I had an idea. I try and not let the thought of appearing silly all the weird looks I get stop me from doing what I want to do. I know I am taking a dope photo, so who cares what people think.
Do what you love and love what you do. I know I haven't said this before but I really want to put it out there into the world when I take photos or do really anything creative it's because I love it. Plain and simple you don't have to be amazing to love what you are doing something if you enjoy it that's all that should matter. Drive needs no push, passion needs no pull and motivation only needs you.
You know appropriately they say a picture's worth a thousands words because my hope for this post is that it leave you with a thousand questions but mainly one particular, 'What do you like to do?'
"Then they came to Jerusalem. And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who were selling and those who were buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves, and he would not allow anyone to carry anything through the temple. He was teaching and saying, 'Is it not written 'My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations'? But you have made it a den of robbers.' And when the chief priests and the scribes heard it, they kept looking for a way to kill him; for they were afraid of him, because the whole crowd was spellbound by his teaching. And when evening came, Jesus and his disciples went out of the city" (Mark 11:15-19).
That is it, all my hard work over the last three days, gone to the drain, thanks to that joker on you left hand side standing next to the fig tree.
Then everyone is talking about pigeons? Pigeons are everywhere but why is everyone just talking about it like the British people just won't stop complaining about the Weather. Apparently, some pigeons even flew to the Holy of Holies, and the priest was not in the best of spirit when they saw the pigeons flying and making a nuisance of themselves. I can tell you! It is gonna take ages to round them up.
Mind you, I am sure pigeons are homing birds. Aren't they? In that case, if I shake a bag of food, and back they all come. Though my coins that I worked hard for, won't do that. If it would, it would not help my circumstance as you know what all those beggars are like in the temple courts-one chink of a coin they would come running like chickens round the seed. When that madman turned the table over, half the money didn't even hit the floor before it was gone!
Poor Jedidiah, got told to get off the courtyard! What is the world coming too? He wasn't doing any trouble, I know those Ark of the Covenant models he sells are on a tacky side, but still the point is that Jedidiah doesn't deserve to get off the courtyard. Crucifixion's too good for guys like that. What do we pay the temple guards for, anyway? They should be making sure these luncatics don't even get-in-especially if they are armed.
You got to be careful around here, people spurting insults like there is no tomorrow, and no one wants that, especially in their little holy bubble. Can you hear, that? Absolutely quietness, I bet you, that they are planning on something.
But you see! We are smart enough not to say it to their face. As we don't want to cause a commotion, not on their home ground. So we are still going to be alive by the end of the week. Well that is my hope!
Now when they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, 2 telling them, “Go to the village ahead of you. Right away you will find a donkey tied there, and a colt with her. Untie them and bring them to me. 3 If anyone says anything to you, you are to say, ‘The Lord needs them,’ and he will send them at once.” 4 This took place to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet. (Matthew 21: 1-11)
Jesus asked Matthew and Judas to go to the village and find a donkey in town. Of they went, trodding along and bickering with each other on their way to town to find a donkey.
"Judas you haven't spoken since Jesus asked us to fetch a donkey, are you OK? As you never shut up? Oh, you are not steamed up about getting a donkey? After all, Jesus put us in charge because he relies on us, has complete trust and faith that we accomplish this task. Furthermore, if we couldn't he wouldn't put us in charge. Got that! Now please, would you just cheer up, even a minute, I don't think I can handle another second of your grumpy face."
"Just hold your horses please, a baby donkey is silly, its not an animal for a saviour of Jerusalem to ride on? I said to Jesus I knew a quy with a good horse, but oh no he wasn't having any of it. I tell you something, people would think Jesus lose his marbles by riding on a flipping baby donkey?"
"Really, is that why you got your grumpiness face, over nothing. Did you not hear the crowds roaring-hosanna to the Son of David, and all the rest of it. If you didn't, something is definitely wrong with you, we were right in the middle of it! There was nowhere to hide. Mind you, I never thought a poor fisherman from Galilee would be able to say that!"
"You always think you a better than me, don't you. They might be cheering today, as you cannot boo to a king when he is standing near you? He might chop your head off! What he should off done, was to ride in with a horse and start a revolution. I told him if he waited. we would get somewhere. Though he wasn't listening, just gave me that funny look to say he has and if I was a little child being rebellious towards a parents or an adult. That was my que to get that annoying, ridiculous, ludicrous donkey."
"Ah poor little Judas! Cannot deal being wrong, can you? Is your pride hurt by going to find a donkey and not a horse? Were you born to better things?
"Would you just shut up, Peter!! You are doing my head in. I can deal being wrong, but you stepped over the boundary with pride. Just if Jesus wants to be king, he ought to start acting like one. You know act your age than the shoe size. That's what I think, anyhow."
" Oh come on, it's only banter, don't be so stroppy! Maybe Jesus is finding his feet of being a king. It might be a lot of work that goes undercover that meets the eye. It reminded me of that bit from Zechariah, you know? How does it go? 'Rejoice, daughter of Zion! Here comes your king, triumphant and victorious; humble, and riding on a donkey." Something like that, anyway. Surely fulfilling ancient prophecy is pretty good for a messiah?
"Oh, Bartholomew the scholar. Ancient prophecy's all very well, but it's not much use in the here and now, is it? What we want is the new world Jesus was talking about, with us all on thrones and the Romans kicked out. Isn't that what we're following him for? Isn't it, James? John? You two were quick enough to try and bag yourselves the best seats for when Jesus is in charge."
"Hey, stop pressing people buttons, that was our mum, not us. Anyway, you heard what Jesus said about that. 'The last will be first and the first will be last,' - which now I think about it, fits in pretty well with his king-riding-on-a-donkey act. If you're looking for power and glory, Judas, I think you're following the wrong guy."
"Yes, and that's just what's so frustrating. He could do anything, Jesus could. Anything! He's got that spark, that... that.. charisma. You've seen him! He just has to crook a finger and people will do what he wants. If anyone could save this wretched country he could - and I thought he was going to do it! And then he sat on a donkey and threw it all away. Just threw it all away."
First time ever since a long time, on purpose I left my phone at home, took my fitbit off and run, with no plan, no destination, no maps. Just two feet and roads! In the end I run to Wylam and back via a massive hill. And something just hit me, O.K. first off don't worry I am not injured just has a light bulb moment. I haven't been doing any Christianity work, apart from going to church I tend to set aside ten minutes in the morning reading the bible and ten minutes in the evening. Recently, that came to a standstill. So as I was running and let my mind go off on one. I thought to myself, you know what I miss reading the bible and getting closer to God.
I like Lent, it gives us a chance to start new, with a new clean slate, though first of all you have confess any sins and receiving absolution. I have been taking part in Lent, again like last year I didn't give up something as I always found that my attention is not Jesus it's on that one particular thing that I gave up. Instead, I had the phrase 'What Would Jesus Do?' and do one thing for someone like sending them a card saying you miss them. Say hello to someone! Really simple things, but it can make a difference to that person who receives your kindness. In a way, it shows Jesus love.
Despite how it can often feel, Christianity is not about manufacturing suitable emotions. Christianity is a statement of fact. Christ reigns. I do not. However sinful I do or do not feel, Lent is a time of moving myself from a throne to a cross, in order that Christ may move from a cross to a throne.
We are now about to enter a week called, 'Holy Week,' we are reminded of what Jesus did for us and how His actions define Him. Because He rose from the grave, we know that Jesus is the author and perfecter of our lives. He is our security and significance.
I decided after I came back from my run, that I would be writing a series, called 'Journey to the cross.' I feel the name fit quite appropriately, since I am nowhere near the cross and following Jesus. After all in holy week and easter as a whole we are reminded that Jesus died on the Cross for us, for our sins.
If you are interested in reading the 'Journey to the cross,' come back on the Sunday 25th March, I got a bit writing to do till then!!!!!!!!
I know, I know, I haven't done much blogging than I used to. This is really is a dark post, so if you are looking for something to read with your cup of coffee. I'm afraid this post isn't for you. This post is really for me than to be helpful or to inspire people. Though if someone says at the end, that really encouraged me to move. Than I will say it's a job done. But actually I just want to get my thoughts down.
You know where you wake up, and your mind is full of negative thoughts? Where you mind is telling you, go back to sleep today is a bad day, even though the day hasn't started. I instantly turned my alarm clock off at 6:00am, walked back to bed, just one more hour in bed, I will get out of bed make porridge. By other alarm went off two minutes later, this time it's my wrist vibrating, turn that off. Just one more hour, that hour would change everything. My other alarm went off at 7:00am. Just 10 more minutes until I get my breath. I instantly fall back into bed, snuggled next to my teddy bear Rodger. I woke up at 8:00am, I got out of bed put the kettle on for a cup of coffee. Got myself ready for the ParkRun.
Sometimes the black dog enters my life, it just creeps on you and bounce on you when you don't expect it. You think you got anxiety (enter mental illness) on control. Then this black dog just don't like it when you are happy and got you life together. I nearly let it take my morning away but I told myself if I can get out of bed, move for a bit. As I all I needed to do was to take some steps. Movement doesn't have to be defined by running a marathon. Sometimes it feels like doing a marathon just to get out of bed.
I made it down to the kitchen, I started my morning routine to try and find momentum to get out the front door. I ate some breakfast that I know won't upset my tummy when I start running in less than an hour but can eat reality quickly. I tried and tried to not listen to the voice telling me to return to the safety of my cave aka my warm bed cuddling my teddy bear Rodger. It was hard, I let go and ran quickly to my bedroom and jump into my bed. And asked myself. Why do I run? I run because I can and to free this black dog!! So I soon, left the front door and told myself 'You are strong enough to get this far, you are strong enough to keep going.'
No turning back! I left my tissue back at home. A) Do I run back home. B) Keep heading to the bus stop. If I do A I would risk of not getting out of the front door again and just stay at home with this black dog of mine. Or B just endure a runny nose. I decided to keep heading to the bus stop.
I did the parkrun, it wasn't the best. Physically I struggled because of my right calf was hurting so so so much I tried to walk it off. Then mentally I wasn't able to continue it was like something was telling me not to run. Though I end up talking to someone who used to live in Reading but studies up in Newcastle. Such a small world!! I didn't get a fast time but who cares. I came home without a lead, and no black dog in sight! I left him in the field full of cows where he belong.
Movement doesn't have to be defined as 'I just ran a marathon' Sometimes, getting out of bed and carry on your day to day activities deserves just as much cheer for the strength as someone running a marathon or got a medal for something or even get a PB!! It just comes downs to taking a single breath and say to yourself 'I am enough'.
Some people may call you lazy when your mind is against you, ranting at you, and you cannot face the day ahead despite how hard you try, you just stay in your bedroom where it is safe. I see through that, I see you. Just take a single step with me, go somewhere to drop of that black dog. I'm with you, in your step.
Last year, I went to a pub by the quayside seeing people running getting their medals and seeing their massive grins on their faces. You know what I can do that! So here I am, writing this with achy muscles the day after the Great North Run. What was I thinking?
Most people who run a half marathon train 16 weeks, me nope! I somehow did the Gateshead 10K and haven't put my running shoes on to do serious running since the children break up for summer holiday. What was I doing? I could of logged in some miles at least get my legs going but hey ho. I was walking from town to Byker four days a week, that counts as exercise. Right?
The day before arrived, it hasn't sank in that the next day I'm running 13.1 miles. I did knitting and had to redo my seaming, I was not a happy bunny when I had to take my lastest seaming apart but I must say my knitting does look neat now. After knitting it was time to get some pasta and oh my goodness look at how many people they are at the Quayside. My friend and I were on a tight schedule, I am not keen on huge crowds either. A a nail hit my head when I was reading the good luck messages while queuing for the pasta party. That's when reality sank in I am doing the great north run, without sufficient training. What have I done?
So yes, I did the great north run yesterday (Sunday 10th September) with no training. Something I don't recommend! Please don't do it. Note to myself, please train more than you did.
Pasta with leftover chicken from chicken fajitas
Dinner was two huge bowls of pasta. I watched a film with cake and a cup of tea before bed. I woke up 6am to make sure i'm up and awake and get a lot of food down me. Porridge, jelly babies, and tracker bar. Yes all of this for breakfast is needed!! Time to get ready, and that's when I cired. I'm doing this!!
I got the bus in to town each direction you looked you saw loads of people, people wearing costumes people wearing charity tops, people wearing running clubs vest. It was awesome. Everyone so excited at the same time nervous. Put the bag on the bus felt like I was heading home. Such a shame I wasn't otherwise I could get a cup of coffee! Then it was time to find my pen and start warming up. That's it, no turning back. I made it! It was awesome, how people talked to each other, amazing people were fundraising for such amazing cause. And yes, I cried by looking at people messages on the the back infact I cried quite often more of that later.
Look at me, at the start line!
The run was good the atmosphere was amazing, people cheering you on, children giving you high fives and throwing water at you. People giving you jelly babies, ice pops, biscuits and sweets. If you were fast enough and liked beer at mile 10 you could get beer. I will definitely do this run next year and this time I would train a lot more and maybe get my time down.
I love all of the great north run, firstly was to see Mo running the route backwards. Yes after he ran the route he decided to run it again from South Shields to Newcastle. Because why not? Second was to run on the iconic tyne bridge. I actually ran on the Tyne Bridge where the cars are normally are but not yesterday, yesterday the roads were covered with runner's. Then going underneath the tunnels people were saying 'oggy oggy oggy' towards the end people were saying it though we had no energy to say 'oi oi oi.' Running over the bridge brought me to tears! I was very emotional yesterday.
Lindisfarne, run for home
And they even sang this song, which always gets me. Ever since hearing it in Ryton last year in our local pub at the time just reminded me of all my friends back down south. I was in tears and not just little tears literally sobbing so everyone asked 'Are you OKAY?' I just said yes, it this song. It's weird how a song can bring you to joy but also sadness.
I planned my route out, the first 6 miles was supposed to be a really s-l-o-w pace, then the second half the first half of the half (got that?) was gonna be a really slow parkrun then the second bit of the half a really fast parkrun. What I didn't take into account? Is people. Yes people. Mostly everyone were walking and when you were running it was draining you had to weave in and out of people so sometimes it was quicker to walk than run. How does that even make sense?
Anyhow I made it to the end with a sprint. My instinct is to sprint at the end, don't give me those eyes. When I was younger I used to do running so I can do a mile in a 5 minutes and kilometer in three minutes when I would like to try. I just want to end the run mentally even though my body can easily carry more. Drum roll please. My time was 2hr:58mins:08sec. I'm so chuffed with that, just under three hours with no training mostly walking at a fast pace.
I wanted to phone my Mum saying 'I actually finish the Great North Run, I did it!' Though my phone died or it switched itself off. Hey ho! Why does phone always play up at the moment you need it. I just want my blue hoodie (the one that I'm always wearing). I talked to this person and we were using the same transport to get to town which was the metro. I was so glad we meet each other. Could you imagine queuing a line with no phone, no one to talk to? Me neither. So I got on the metro, it was like back in London on the underground! Yep it was that bad. I went to a shop in the Haymarket (metro station) To ask if I could use a phone to contact Mum to ask where my Mum and Dad are. And this person said yes because A) You ran Great North Run B) The boss is at home. Luckily my folks chose a pub which is two minute walk away and I even had a meal out. And I told my parents and friends, i'm going to run a marathon next. Challenge here I come!!!! With open arms and yes I will do more training this time.
Now phones are weird! I thought my phone was dead, so when I charged my phone up in the pub as you do. I switched it on in order to get to Grandpa's house as I use my phone as a bus ticket. How cool is that? Strava managed to track my run, and even when I was on metro it still managed to track me. How is that even possible? I had to switch my phone on. It makes no sense at all. Technology is now beyond me. You can even get a Garmin watch and pay for something with your watch. That is pretty cool but just weird.
After all that running, i'm having hot coco and rocky roads chocolate brownies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My church that I attend has their own library so after having a cup of coffee, I was admiring the lovely books that was out. A lot of people told me that the shack was a good read. So I took that book out. I have just finished it this morning, I started it on the bank holiday Monday. As I got an exam today I had to leave my book downstairs otherwise I would not get my nine hours sleep otherwise I would finished it yesterday evening!
I enjoyed reading it, that's for sure. It brought me to tears. Though reading the shack for theology point of perspective I don't like it. It's very poor. From what I understand from the book, that bad things happens because God created a freewill. So it is our own fault things happen? Or is just life being chaotic and random? I notice in my life when bad things happen, I get closer to God than ever not by praying and resent it to God. having bad things happen in life make you stronger. Cliched as it sounds, I believe that.
If this book wasn't recommended by my church congregation, the chances are I would give up reading. The entire beginning of the book bored me. I had to make endless cups of tea just so I could read it. Though after I got through the beginning it changing from being boring very thrilling because there were interesting things going on, When it came together at the end, I did have a greater appreciation of the way plot elements came together, but most of the time thought certain components of the story weren't very well done.
I re-read one paragraph where the author uses nine similes! Two of them concern tears and are in the same sentence. Someone please sit this author down and explain that similes and metaphors are to open windows. We don't need an entire glass factory delivered to us every page. (You can tell I have an English exam, can't you?
Please hear me out with these three paragraphs.
Aside from the cursing, I couldn’t believe it when members of the Trinity began to appear to the main character as black women. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about race, it is about gender and the representation of God.
Representing God the Father as any image or human is a serious error even in fiction. We are not to build an image in our minds of God--we cannot "reduce" Him to our level of comprehension as He is so far above us in all things. Jesus had to die a painful death to reconcile us as sinful humans to God the Father due to His holiness. Jesus is the bridge and mediator, we cannot approach God apart from Him, let alone misrepresent Him in this careless way.
Why represent God as a woman? The Bible makes it clear that the authority structure is for a man to be at the head. The Shack is more dangerous because it feeds society's attempts to undermine the biblical gender roles and provides direct support for the feminist agenda. Christians should be standing against cultural trends where they conflict with the Bible, not promoting and supporting them.
I was very annoyed and frustrated by the profanity and don’t think it's ever okay for a Christian to swear or use blasphemy in their books whether fiction or non-fiction
We need to remember that it is the broad way that leads to destruction and the narrow way to life. In the latter times, people will gather teachers that say what their itching ears want to hear and we are warned that many will be deceived. The popular way is not God's way. Simply put in this modification of a quotation from G. K. Chesterton,
Wrong is wrong even if everyone else is doing it. Right is right even if no one else is doing it
Sometimes it doesn’t work out as you expect.
Sometimes even though you know
the game is up,
even though you know
the inevitable outcome,
even sometimes when you have given up yourself…
…it doesn’t work out as you expect.
There are those days when the child,
who has been running away for years,
every week, without fail,
…doesn’t.
The day when the disabled child,
is finally accepted for who they are.
When the traveller,
for so long the outsider,
suddenly becomes a friend.
There are those days when,
in the face of despair,
for some unexpected and
incomprehensible reason,
our long dead hopes
are brought back to life.
There are those days
we suddenly realise
the stone has been moved…
… and the tomb is empty.
What was it like for the first disciples?
What was it like to live on that first Holy Saturday
when all hope is gone,
when all that we love is lost,
when God is dead?
We know the end of the story.
We know of resurrection,
so we do not wish to dwell in this dark place,
we want to rush on to Easter Sunday,
when life returns.
It is too hard to live on Holy Saturday,
to spend our time in the dark and conflicted places
of Golgotha and Gethsemane,
the place where despair has all the best answers
to our questions.
But what of the people who have no choice?
What of the people who always live on Holy Saturday.
The child beaten and abused at home
whose only hope is to run away?
The child living with alcohol misusing parents,
Trapped, too young, into adult responsibilities.
The disabled child,
never given the chance to join in.
The refugee child,
always a problem,
never simply a person.
What must it be like to live on Holy Saturday,
when we do not know how the story ends?
When hope is absent
who will be there to look after them?
Who will be there for the children
on their Holy Saturday?
This blogging it getting hard work, Nearly every week I'm blogging. Though make the most of it. I thought I could add this to the Monthly musings, though I think it deserves a blog post on it's own.
And before you ask, no I didn't get a PB on my parkrun. In-fact this post isn't about running. I know, hard to believe. I normally to a parkrun on Saturday morning. But this Saturday was different. Today, my church had a church away day. Oh and no it wasn't a day where we had jolly we had to use that thing that in our skull. Remind me, what is it called. Oh yes, the brain!
This is the song, I learned at the youth group I used to lead. It fits in appropriate to the theme of my church away day, we were learning about the fruit of the spirit.
The whole day was about fellowships and learning about the fruit of the spirit.
In the afternoon there was different workshops to do. I chose to do walking but I was reflecting. I couldn't decide either to do a creative writing or walking. Though walking meant that I could talk, get my steps in and explore Wylam better. It wasn't till the evening when I really gathered my thoughts together. That I created a poem.
Oh and took photo's
These photos was taken by the river tyne in Wylam. Some of them could be a lot better but the lighting wasn't right because Mr Sunshine, didn't want to appear it was doing his disappearing act again. It just rained and then we stepped outside it sometime it stopped raining.
Oh yes, here the poem.
Fruit of the Spirit
Walking in the Spirit means living every day
Looking up to Jesus and following His way.
And when I give Him all of me
Just like a mighty tree–
My actions will become sweet fruit
For all the world to see.
Galatians 5 lists all nine fruits
The Spirit wants to grow
And if you read them for yourself
You will be sure to know:
That LOVE comes first–the kind you choose,
Not feelings you may lose,
But actions that show sacrifice,
And branch out the Good News.
And then comes JOY, that you can hold
No matter what life brings
It’s the Song of all God’s promises
The glad heart daily sings.
Sweet PEACE comes next, a quiet heart
Though life may twist and turn,
Then PATIENCE shows it wants no part
Of sparks that quickly burn.
KINDNESS is an active fruit
It treats others with care
The love of Jesus is the root
That spreads it everywhere.
GOODNESS knows and does what’s right–
Its actions match God’s teaching
It spreads His shining, perfect light
Into a dark world reaching.
FAITHFULNESS is like a rock,
A firm and steady friend
Who never leaves you hanging–
But is loyal to the end.
GENTLENESS is tender strong.
It turns the other cheek.
It rarely ruffles when it’s wronged.
(It’s a synonym for “meek.”)
And then at last, fruit number nine,
(Its growth requires practice).
It doesn’t lash out, pout, or whine,
Or prickle like a cactus.
It doesn’t need to over-dine
Or lick clean the ice cream bowl;
For with the Spirit/Helper, you can have fruit SELF CONTROL.
When you put the nine together,
A fruit salad you will make
That proves to all the world your life
Is lived for Jesus’ sake!
Now if you don't mind, all this walking is making me very tired, So I'm going to have a chocolate brownie, maybe even some cream oh and not forget about hot choco.
Running is a simple! All you need is running shoes and you are off to go, not only that you can do it anywhere. You don't need good countryside to run in and admire the landscape. Nope you can just admire the sound off you footsteps. Or even seeing traffic and you are passing each car by your own footsteps. (Something that doesn't happen up here a lot)
In fact, most of my creative ideas and random thoughts (including this blog post) have come to be while on a run. I like to give my mind the freedom to wander. Thoughts come and go, and for whatever reason, my mind seems to be able to reach and explore areas that i'm not capable of finding when not running.
Though not all runs turn out great, some of them I am mainly walking. But today, I was running and really full of energy even took pictures. As I just got back from running, this is going to be a quick post, as I'm going to have a bath and read my book maybe even use candles.
My feet stick the black rubber
Its like some kind of magnetic tape
Day after day, it pulls me back
For not only does my body demand it,
but my heart yearns for it
Its the cure to all pain and the rescue from all fear
It there when I need it, even if I choose not to feed it
When I want it, I get it, but never abuse it
It never talks back nor says I'm stupid
Its always there for every stride and every cry
Its my track and I know I'll never lose it
Just a short poem about my love for running. How it's the most dependable thing I've got. Friends may come and go, but running will always be a part of me.
Photos time, (not all of these photos was taken this evening, but they have been taken while running)
Oh pretty sky,
Daffodils
Not to sure, what these flowers are, though they look lovely
I just missed the sunset, but a lovely MR sunshine just about to do his disappearing act
This sort of represents the running wall, oh and the shadow is me
my delicious snack, cup of coffee and peanut crackers and chocolate spread.
By eating those tasty crackers, got me to do to this!!!!!!!!!!
Now i'm off in my lovely bath, reading "Reading in bed" Yes that is the title so don't worry you haven't read wrong.
Sometimes my mind and my fingers aren't not on the same page and it's one of those days. So you might wish to read this post and ponder about Lent and Easter. Maybe soon, my mind and fingers are going to be on the same page.
What is Easter all about and why do lent?
If you ask children this question you might get random answers.You might get an answer of pancakes, well they are tasty aren't they. My favorite topping is maple syrup and a bit of apple. Then you have easter eggs. Oh and don't forget hot cross buns! Though they must be a significant reason why we celebrate easter apart from the food we eat.
So why do we celebrate easter, you may be asking. It’s the time of year when we remember Jesus’ death and resurrection.
The word ‘lent’ as come from an Anglo Saxon word ‘Lenten’ which means spring. Lent represents the 40 day period of Jesus’ temptation in the desert. Lent runs from Ash Wednesday the Holy Saturday (the day before Easter). Many people, rather than fasting food completely, fast from a pleasure, desserts or watching TV. What are you giving up for lent?
My answer to that, is nothing. Not because I’m perfect, or a perfect Christian. But my experience is that my energy is solely on not having this one desired thing. For me, i’m bad with a cup of tea and coffee. So the 40 days, I am focusing on coffee and tea. Which isn’t the right way to go about lent. Is it?
I bet you didn’t know this, in some churches, some of the decorations are removed during lent such as flowers, as a sign of grieving. Lent is never mentioned in the Bible. Maybe you call me an evangelical Christian, I recognise that because Jesus has died for us, we no longer have to be mournful and sad, and we definitely don’t need to do anything to earn forgiveness!
You might be saying to yourself, I hope. What you are saying, Rebecca. That Jesus death was pleasant. Of course not, yes, Jesus’ death was horrible and unpleasant, but it was also victorious and life-giving! Yes, we should be repentant of our sin, but we do not need to dwell in it any longer.
So no, you do not have to celebrate Lent, and in fact some ways of making Lent may in fact be unhelpful for your walk with God. So the answer to my previous question about having 40 days focusing on coffee and tea, is that the right way about participating lent? Didn’t think so, either.
See that? That’s the end of your nose. Any maybe just a short space in front of it. Pretty easy to focus on that isn't it? What does lent mean for you? Is it focusing on your nose? Is it focusing on your desired beverage or food? Thank you, it’s about Jesus.
I might not be giving up something this year for lent. Though I am doing lent in a very unique manner. Some of you have good eye to detail and looked at my card. No don’t worry, I won’t be asking you make cross stitch cards. Maybe you are like me , you give up something you like and your attention for 40 days is that one thing. I am urging you to do not that. As we discovered this morning that lent is about Jesus. Jesus loves us no matter what. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone gives a bit of love now and then. Which is why, I am doing lent in a strange way by doing something thoughtful to a person. It could be a simple as holding a door for someone. It could be a big kindness by asking someone on the street that you believe is homeless and ask them if they would a like of tea. Or it could be just you want to show your friend how much they are appreciated by sending them a card or give them a call.
As I got a few minutes of doing nothing. I thought I got upload something that isn't part of my advent writing. So here you go, I did tell you it was going to be random.
Last Sunday was the third advent. I had a different minister speaking the sermon and we watched a short film of children doing the nativity scene with different approach where God want a son. And you have a comment that God makes than the children playing different characters and they don't go "they won't expect that!" That was the phrase for the sermon which really made my ears prick up. I started thinking about my personal life. A year back, I was at Farnborough college of technology studying level three health and social care. Now I am at Newcastle college studying digital design. I was expecting that last year. Last year I was living in Olwsmoor surrounded with my close friends. Now i'm in Westerhope not surround with close friends but I'm making wonderful relationships with people i.e. Alex from college. I was expecting that. Then on a public note, we had the EU. Most people thought we would stay in though the outcome was very different. We weren't expecting that. Then you have the US election. Donald was elected. We weren't expecting that. You think you know what life throws at you. You prepare but something else throws you off guard and you didn't see that coming.
I have no more boxes to unpack. Yeppe! In fact, I was getting fed up leaving my book on the floor and waking up to turn that buzzing alarm off I kept tripping over my book. Least I was awake. So I thought, well no side table. Why not turn a box upside down and use that as a side table? As its a box least you get extra storage. So boxes might be annoying to unpack though at least they have there uses as a side table.
I have watched films. And actually watch them. Not knit while I watch them. Or cross stitch. Actually watch them. OK I watched films at my college. It's part of my college course. How cool is that? I watched Fantastic beasts and where to find them with my parents I truly enjoyed it. I might even watch the new stars wars with my Grandma or with my friends. I'm getting to enjoy watching films just stare at the screen and go on adventure. Normally I get really bored and have to do something to keep watching them. You never know, I might start watching films like I do reading my books. Though don't bet on it! I love reading.
Right, that is all the time I have. Now I'm going to have a drink of coffee and read my book. Though I won't trip over my book. Not tonight anyhow.
Now this may seem like an odd title for a blog post, but bear with me (no pun intended, I promise.)
Despite it being nearly two decades since I've actually read Winnie the Pooh book (something I need to rectify), I've often found unexpected inspiration and affirmation from stumbling upon quotes from A.A. Milne books when browsing online. I also found find that a lot of the quotes can be great reference points for those who struggling with mental illness, but of course are not restricted to that demographic: they relate to the human experience in general.
Here are five of my favourite quotes from Winnie the Pooh books, along with what they mean to me: "I don't feel very much like Pooh today," Said Pooh. "There there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do."
The exchange between Pooh and Piglet that everyone can go through a period of not feeling quite right-whether it be because a bad day or anxiety. But it also reminds us it's Okay to sometimes feel that way, and that it can be remedied. It's scary to wake up and suddenly not feel like yourself anymore, but by knowing that even Pooh has felt this way you can be sure you are not alone with it. Importantly it also highlights the facts that it's as necessary to be looked after when feeling mentally unwell as it is when one physically ill.
To me the quote also suggests that simple home comforts can often ground us and let us feel like 'us' again. Have you ever spend a day or evening somewhere, or found yourself doing something, that had left you with that niggling feeling of 'this isn't right for me'? And then maybe you've come home, still with that feeling of deflation, to then find your family waiting to greet you warmly-or you find you have a message from an old friend wanting to catch up? and then, just like that, you suddenly remember who you are again and those bleak feelings disappear? Well, this quote makes me think of that. It's a reminder that it's okay to be with people and surroundings that we're most comfortable with and that reflect our true nature, away from the pressure of feeling the need to be people we are not. It highlights the importance of good friends and family and wherever it is that we call home.
'By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was it going, and it said to itself, There is not hurry. We shall get there some day.'
I often struggle with high stress and anxiety, and usually when it's very unnecessary. I write down every passing thought in my notebook in case I forget small park of my daily routine, I have a constant nagging in the back of my head if I haven't responded to someone message and I walk to fast to fast even when I have no where I need to be. But this quote comforts me with the knowledge that with age comes a retrospective realisation. A realisation that all those times you've replied to an email the next day- or forgotten to buy milk on the way home, or were five minutes late for a lecture-ultimately none of that ended up mattering. Because everything turned out okay in the end. And that there will also come an acceptance and understanding that, but living your life in a slower pace and with lower urgency, things will be okay too.
That's my personal take, but more simply the quote also suggests that the buoyancy of childhood is replaced with a more structured temperament and lifestyle when one reaches adulthood. Not because of any loss, but due to the wisdom and understanding gained along the journey.
"What day is it?" Asked Pooh. "It's today," squeaked Piglet. "My favortire day," said Pooh."
This quote helped me a lot when I experienced anxiety last year and this year. As a result of this-as extreme as it may seem-I spend a lot of time getting severely anxious and down at the prospects of dying and simply about ad things that could potentially happen in the future. But this very simply exchange is a reminder to appreciate what we currently have, and to live in the moment. Pooh's favourite day is today, because it;s the only one that is actually happening! Whenever I read this I adopt Pooh's innocent approach to life, which holds no anxiety or apprehension about the future. And he right to think in such a way. After all the future hasn't happened yet: the present is the only thing that exists. And the ideal frame of mind is to actually live in the present, instead of constantly and anxiously trying to leap ahead.
'You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.'
Sometimes we isolate ourselves without even realising it, and this quote exemplifies that. Before you label yourself as being lonely and claim defeat always first make sure you're doing thing to actually combat that loneliness. I've often found myself upset about specific people contacting me, or sounding even feeling that no one at all is making the effort to reach out to me. But i'm also the type of person who refuses to contact people first. See the problem here? Someone has to make the first move. And it's very likely that the people you want to connect with are thinking the same about you not contacting them, or will at least be happy to connect once you give them the nudge by reaching out first. Friendships and relationships can't start or be maintained unless someone is willing to be the one to make the first move.
And whether or not you yourself are feeling isolated, it's likely that some other people you know are feeling that way. So if you don't already, then why not try reaching out to people you wouldn't normally think of reaching out to, or to someone who you think could need a friend? The result will likely be rewarding for both parties.
"Promise me you'll always remember; you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"
I'm not sire if this a common belief in others, but I've never been able to consider myself brace. In fact, I often think to myself worriedly; I'd probably be a Hufflepuff, 'cause I sure as anything couldn't be a Gryffindor.' But despite these thoughts, many people I've known have called me 'brave' due to the fact I've faced facts a lot of struggles. And thought I always have shrug off being labelled as such, the truth of matter is that we are all brace. It's only that one normally doesn't realise how brave they are until faced with a difficult situation, in which being brace is the only option. Everyone of us has that in us. That is also true when it comes to strength, as the two go hand in hand. The quote also highlights that no matter what we look like on the outside-whether it be physically small, clinically anxious or physically ill-it's no representation of the vast inner strength we encompass. In fact, the weaker one may seem on the outside, the more strength is likely being put to use on the inside, due to them having to fight that much harder.
And this can also be said for being smart or funny or any other positive trait. Because at the end of the day, as humans, it's almost impossible for us to see ourselves as we really are. And the majority of us will unfortunately play down our positive attributes due to insecurities. The quote tells us that the people who see us how we really are, they are the ones who will think the highest of us.
This post I wasn't intending to write, the post I was trying to write was explaining why this week is hard for me though I just couldn't get words so I thought I would give myself a pet talk and thought you might want something to read. Ta ta for now. Surely you must get that reference.
I was going to have a short break from blogging as I just moved house and everything is very unsettling. I just cannot resits doing a blog post.
There is nothing like the season of fallen leaves, rainy days and hours spent at home with a warm drink and a good book. While most people complain about the rain and long for summer cheerfulness where as I truly thrive in the fall season.
First reason why I like Autumn because it is less crowded outside. I am not a fan of going out in the common sense of this world such as clubbing or hanging out with a company of friends. However, I like the outdoor activities too-they are just different from what most people prefer.
If you are like me an introvert, you would probably love to take a walk in a shady park or sit in a quiet cafe near by, enjoying a cup of aromatic coffee and reading your book. Still, in Summer, a peaceful walk often turns into a struggle for survival among the crowds of noisy kids and loud teenagers.
In autumn, things change: children start a new school year and people of all ages spend more time indoors. How fascinating it is to roam deserted streets on a rainy day and watch colourful leaves fall.........
Second reason I like autumn because I have a good excuse to stay at home. The fact that people now spend less time outside has one more benefits for those introverts. It becomes more generally accepted if someone prefers to stay at home, which means that I don't have to explain myself all the time. Also it means that I don't get invited to social occasions the same often as in summer. But even where I am, there is always a good and plausible excuse, such as bad weather or being sick with a cold. So I can enjoy the quiet of my house and get involved in my favorite activities while listening to the calming sounds of falling drops.
Another reason why I love autumn because of the special atmosphere it brings. This season has long been a source of creative inspiration for poets, writes and artists. Watching nature's gorgeous transformation is enough to give me fresh ideas and new insight, no matter what way I use to release my creative energy. I.e. taking a picture of the tree and write a blog post about why I love autumn.
Autumn provokes reflection and teaches us important life lesson. It reminds me of the eternal cycle of existence and inspires me to embrace the change. It shows me how important it is to let go in order to make a fresh start and teaches me to accept the transition to a different stage in life. All these lesson we can learn from nature in autumn are great food for thought and reflection-something that I do certainly appreciate.
Lastly autumn is a perfect time for solitude and solo activities. Loud summer with its open parties, group activities and crowded beaches is over. Autumn is a realm of thoughtfulness, solitude and beautiful sadness. It's a season when the time seems to slow down, just like everything in nature. And that's exactly why I love autumn-it allows me to recharge my batteries after the summer adventures and enjoy alone time doing my favorite activities.
So what are you waiting for? Make yourself a cup of herbal tea, take a book you've long wanted to read and enjoy the coziness of your home this autumn.
This is a bit different to my normal post where they show you something or I write something. Though I don't have the energy to write a nice neat post with wonderful and thoughtful writing or pictures. And it doesn't help that I am feeling rather homesick. So I am going to share you my songs that I am currently listening to on a repeat with a cup of coffee. Or repeat over and over again as the rain beats against the window. Melodramatic? Who, me?!
My mind wanders to whenever I think of the word "home". Even though I have been visiting to Newcastle since I was little and never get homesick. I always felt like home when visiting my grandparents at North. However when I was visiting them I was only there for short while then back to Sandhurst to see my family and friends. Though leaving your friends and family is difficult, despite having technology. IT'S NOT THE SAME AS SEEING THEM FACE TO FACE.
These are all totally personal, but I hope you can relate or perhaps find a new song to add to your own list of songs to listen to when you didn't make any friends that day and your family isn't on Sykpe and it's really cold and outside and your question "why you are doing any of this at all?"
So.....here's a list of songs to listen to when you're feeling homesick. Grab a coffee and listen to these songs with me.
I like the melody and just feel right at home.
This song is really emotional and very powerful because it talks about how a person feels after death of a loved one or someone whom you know very dearly.
This is a neo-traditional story song about a runaway teenage daughter and a loving father. Leaving a message of forgiveness on the family answering machine as the outbound greeting, urging her to return to her family, he hopes his daughter will hear it if she ever calls home. For me Sandhurst is home and Newcastle is still holiday location.
This song is more about the destination and the understanding that home is the place one truly belongs-even if one is not quite there yet. Which I what I am feeling like at the moment. In this touching story song, a foster child, single mother and older man all know they are still on the journey that will take them to the home that lies just ahead.
I love the last two songs and didn't feel the need to explain what the song is about.
Hope the songs aren't making you cry, for me I'm not crying. The onion cutting ninja's just appeared.
My first month living in Newcastle is over and it's flown. I still pinch myself every day as I can't quite believe this is now my home. I am so happy! The weather has been a mixture of the yellow thing in sky and rain. Even a night full of thunder and lightening. Going to college nearly everyday makes me get to see to some of the architecture around the city centre or shall I say the toon (town). See I am already picking up some of the Geordie words. I have had some afternoons walk by the Quayside and it makes me se so happy to be here, it's been beautiful. I've seen lots of people outside eating their lunch at various pavement cafes and I'm looking forward to giving some of them a go.
Now if you please excuse me. I am going to have a coffee with fruit cake.
In case you've never been in any social situation, ever, allow me to explain what icebreakers are. They are group exercises to allow strangers to get to know each other and feel comfortable. And they are awful. The only purpose an icebreaker has served in my life is making me feel part of a group who are unanimous in hating icebreakers.
With that said, we are both on the same page. This week was my induction for my new college and I have a new excuse to make a blog post. So we had to talk to one person on our table and ask these two questions and they have to feed back what the other person answers were to these questions to the rest of class.
If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
I think I'd be a cat. The whole eating a lot and sleeping a lot then WOW look at the leaf, I am going to HAVE SO MUCH FUN with this leaf then back to eating and sleeping is pretty much my holiday days are structured.
What punctuation mark best describes you personality?
Really? Do people actually use these questions or are we all just playing along at this stage. Anyway, I suppose it would have to be the comma. Commas look kind of introverted but they always have something else to say.
As you are aware, I have moved house on the 1st August to Newcastle upon tyne or shall I say Gateshead. Anyhow, I am no longer living in Sandhurst I am living in a village called Ryton for a few months. As I won't be living in this house that I am currently living some of you won't be able to see it. I thought I can get the house all clean and sparkly to take lovely pictures and have no unpacked boxes lying anywhere. Or random stuff placed in here and there. Though that is not going to happen. You might as well come in and have a tour guide to show you around, and that would be Rodger my teddy bear.
Pretty standard stuff with terraced house just no garage and no off parking. Which Dad is very unhappy out. Though Mum and I say to him, it's only temporary. And this is the front Entrance. How was you journey? Managed OK! That's good.
This is Rodger, welcoming us in the house. So please do go in. No need to take your shoes off. Yes honestly. While you are looking at the house, would you like a coffee or tea? Maybe hot chocolate!
This is a bit of of a small hallway and mind the lamp we only put that that there as all three of us walk into it. As you will gather on the tour with Rodger and I this house is smaller than the one we had back in Sandhurst. But hey ho, that might just teach us not accumulate so much stuff. Probably not. And yes Rodger isn't on the naughty step he just wants to see you and not get in the way! A nice gentlemen you know.
As you enter the hallway, you have the living room. Mum and Dad sits on the black sofa and when I can persuade Rodger to get off the camping chair I sit on that and use the beanbag as my foot rest. But if I can't get Rodger to come off the camping chair then I use the bean bag. Doesn't Rodger look so comfy!?
Leading from the living room you have the kitchen dinner. It's got more cupboards than the other house but little workspace. While we are in the kitchen can Rodger and I attempt you in anything, maybe a yogurt or even a cake!
Leading from the kitchen you have the utility room. As you see it's where we have the coffee selection of,teas, a washing machine. Not forgetting about the mircowave nor towels. Rodger also informed me there is a shoe cupboard. Yes honestly no need to take your shoes off! Rodger is showing his amazing skills, by managing to get in the washing machine all by himself.
Rodger welcomes you to the bathroom. This is our only bathroom, so you can't take long for the bath as you get kick out as someone is need of the bathroom. Or you can't come in because Rodger is using the toilet as a seat. Don't look at me like that! Where else I can sit in the living room? Oh, I could always sit on the floor. I should apologise to our Tour guide then. Now I have apologised to Rodger and he forgives me by giving me a big bear hug!
As you leave the bathroom, to the utility, living room, back to the hallway, up the stairs. Sorry Rodger forgot to tell you the stairs is a bit steep. Anyhow, as you have managed to climb the steep stairs you are now on the landing,
The first bedroom you see, is mine. It's a bit of a mess, hope this photo doesn't give the impression of that. I am doing the last job of unpacking of tyring to put things in the right home. While Rodger as got the pleasure of reading books.
The next bedroom along is the master room, also known has Mum's and Dad's. Rodger is getting very tired and fancy a nap. I don't blame him, been a busy day for him.
Behind you, is the our secret storage space. Rodger didn't fancy being in this one. For some reason.
This our spare room, but it's where we put things that are not needed in there. Just don't tell Rodger that, as he may just be a bit annoyed at me. As we need Rodger. Though Rodger did fancy being in the box and playing BOO!! with you.
If you wish to leave the house after your hot drink or a bite to eat. Or even both. No rush, because Rodger and I love your company. You got two doors you could leave from. You could leave from the front entrance or the back entrance. The back entrance is where the utility room is and then turn right.
Rodger loves to see you again and wishes you a good journey back home.
This is the back view of the back entrance.
If you have an accurate picture of our new houses Rodger and I congratulate you on your exemplary spatial awareness! Feel free to come and compare your pictures with reality. Rodger and I cannot wait to see you!!
